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So here goes!

I’m writing this blog with sincere honestly.. I may upset people I may even lose people.. make people laugh maybe even cry! But this is my life, my aim is to be transparent, truthful and at times angry and maybe even extremely happy!

Day by day it’s going to change. I hope that my stories and tales will captivate you to read further.. because this is MY life!

If you get bored please leave! I won’t take it to heart or maybe I will who knows! 

I’m 31, I live on my own with my cat Jasmine, she’s adorable but she is a feisty one! She always wants my attention! she is currently sat on my lap biting my phone, an attention seeker at best.

I have 2 wonderful children they live with their dad and yes I’ve had to answer that question a million times ‘why don’t they live with you.’ I don’t have to answer that question it’s personal but people still look at me and go ‘oh, but why.’ And trust me they judge without knowing the reasons! It was the best option when me and my ex separated, I worked full time and their dad works around the kids school hours. I didn’t want to uproot them at such a difficult time for them already! I’m not going into this so much right now. But I’m sure it will come up later!

Ok so a list! It’s such an amazing diverse list! I do not believe that a name defines you! But trust me they have an entirely crippling grasp!

Bipolar Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder

Hypermobility Syndrome

Asthma

Dyspraxia 

Nice list right? There’s a few missing but right now it’s not important to mention. These are all symptoms that have been given names, so I have been told that is!

Ready to get bored and read more?

The mental health issues are interesting. I was diagnosed with Bipolar around 7 years ago, and I was struggling so much after I had my second son. We went through a really tough time when I was pregnant with him. It’s been a really perplexing time dealing with these symptoms.  Happiness, sadness, anger, elation, love, hate, stress, confidence, self loathing.. no middle ground always one or the other! It was really hard! When I was diagnosed I was put on a lovely cocktail of drugs.. anti psychotics, anti depressants and mood stabilisers! I didn’t know then how much these tablets would change me.. anyway Borderline Personality Disorder, I was diagnosed last year, now this made a lot of sense.. my emotions were flying around in such a quick succession! And the doctors realised something wasn’t quite clicking! It’s been a tough diagnosis and I’m sure you’ll all hear a lot more about that.. I’m physically disabled and this is one area I can’t control, other than with pain medicine. Hypermobility Syndrome is a literal bitch! Caused so many problems dislocation, it hurts to walk distances, makes my wrists and hands fail miserably! 

Well I’ve covered the basics.There is a lot more I’m going to talk about. I’m doing this not just for me but for anyone that struggles with life. Struggles with emotions. I hope to at least help one person realise that although life can be awful, life is also pretty amazing! It’s entirely in our control, well sometimes.

 Confusing right?

Stacey-Lea

Life is not as simple as we are led to believe!

I sit and ponder, life is given to us with a beginning, a middle and an end! How and what we do with those times is mainly up to us! Especially the middle, the majority of us have control.. but there are times where that control consumes us!

You can’t break the broken you can only attempt to re piece the fragments! If you have the glue and you notice the fallen then give them the tools! Trust in you’re ability to fight! Life is not easy it’s not meant to be! You can throw me to the wolves but I’m going to come back fighting!

Meeeeee

Happiness wow! What a word! I didn’t think I’d be entertaining that complication for some time! I’m rebuilding my broken! I’ve found something I want to keep, I’m in my middle! I’ve been thrown around by self doubt. I’ve been treated like I’m crazy, deceived by a circle I never thought would be broken. I’m not letting hatred bury me! I’m finished with that pain and negative emotion! This who I really am!

My soul is healing and I’ve found something that has woken me! Has healed some of my broken.. I will give my 100% because I finally have something equal and worth being the person I know I can be! I wake up everyday knowing life isn’t going to be easy! Life is not going to hand me anything easy I’ll have to work and fight for my middle! So my end will be worth it!

Love life and live!

Been Away a while

Hey all sorry I’ve been a way a while! Life’s just been a rollercoaster!

Sooo happy though right now.. and yes he has a name. ❤️❤️ it’s nuts what life throws into your path! I didn’t think I’d be happy again after 2019.. looks like this might be my year!

I’ve started to be able to love myself again. Look in the mirror and not hate what I see looking back! She stares back and smiles with glee! My friends and family are all really supportive of this new happy me and it’s a relief.

I spent last year trying to please others and I fell under my own trap! I’m lucky that the people that are in my life now don’t judge me or take me for granted. And I’ll love them all for that unconditionally.

I’ll keep my blog topped up now I promise. ❤️

Best friends kill the blues!

So last night I was feeling a little out of sorts..

My phone starts to ring, uh I thought it was someone in particular! I reluctantly looked at it. It was my best friend! He’s on his holiday in Lanzerote.

These holiday calls are always fun? So there he was in the pool at night, fully clothed beer in hand whilst afloat a dog called patch! He called just to make me smile! And that he did. 😀

😻

Let’s make a video

So I decided to make a really honest really quite raw video.. I think being truthful with yourself and others is super important.. our faces tell a million stories.. our emotions can be picked up so easily.

I aim to be able to help people. I’m training to become a life coach as you all know and I think if I am open and clear with people from the get go then it may be easier for people to trust in me. The sessions I will be doing are totally confidential and only myself and my client will have access to their file. At the end of the life coaching journey they will have a full copy of their file so that they can review their progress.

I’ve had therapy before; Psychiatrists Psychologists. Yes they are amazing and helpful. Something was missing and it was that personal touch. With life coaching it is all about giving the client the tools to establish their own path, I will be there to guide them in the right direction. My techniques will be unique and every session will open up the clients eyes!

Staceylea.com is my website address. So please share it! As well as viewing it on here!

Happy new year my beauties!

So hello 2020! It feels like such a surreal number! I’ll have a 10 year old this year that’s an odd feeling in its self.

I’m serious about the changes I’m making. And it’s not just because it’s a new year it’s because if I don’t, I’ll end up in a bad place!

2019 bought the worst heart ache I’ve ever felt. It literally ripped me up.. but it also made it so I could take those ripped up feelings and rebuild them with love and beauty!

I’m going to be the same person of course, but I’m going in a stronger and more stable direction.

I’m trusting a lot less too! It’s not a bad thing but I’m not going to get hurt again. I’m protecting my little heart now. I know my path and it’s going to be pretty awesome.. I’m bringing the people that have been there through the thick and thin!

My best friend has been my rock for 18 years now. I’ve made a new friend in my neighbour and me and my mom are a lot closer. So I love that and I have my own little flat which I love it’s perfect!

My health in 2019 was shocking so I’m going to really push myself to lose weight as I need surgery on my hands and elbows!

In happy I really am and maybe 2020 will bring that something more. 🥰

One.. two.. three

So this evening has been lovely but something really small has put me in a bad mood!

I’m not one to be petty but in all honesty I’ve been pretty nice on my blog so far, maybe it’s time I told it really how it is!

Staceylea.com will become my business as the months go by and I want to be able to help people who need a space to vent without judgement..

I met two young girls today and they were talking about applying for jobs and how they’ve been let down. They were applying for their first ever jobs! Everywhere wanted 6 months experience! I started working young then had my first supermarket job at 16 then after 12 months got into a high end department store! Then I worked up to management! It’s not easy! But the girls listened to how I worked my way up! And didn’t just expect it on a plate!

My life coaching will be fun to start, people have always been my strong area! Over years my physical and mental health have deteriorated. Which means I want to work from home going forward! Watch this space. 😌

Shine bright like a diamond

She sits, she wonders, she waits!

She can hear it all but nothing can hear her, she screams inside but the wreak of her broken heart wont allow anyone to listen. Escape just isn’t a possibility, she has wondered the broken halls, she has ran through open doors just to find herself back at the start. She only wants a simple existence.

A small shard of light appears, she claws at the sky with all of her might. The light glimmers like diamonds, tiny dancing fairy lights. Tiny droplets of tears begin to cascade down her cheek. She hasn’t felt air in her lungs for as long as she remembers. The shimmer starts to fade, she fights with all of her strength. The light almost fights back like it understands her pain, it flickers as bright as a star! Black, everything has turned dark again, lonely, painful and bleak. She sits, she wonders and she waits, the smallest of smiles begins to form. Hope beacons her.