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So here goes!

I’m writing this blog with sincere honestly.. I may upset people I may even lose people.. make people laugh maybe even cry! But this is my life, my aim is to be transparent, truthful and at times angry and maybe even extremely happy!

Day by day it’s going to change. I hope that my stories and tales will captivate you to read further.. because this is MY life!

If you get bored please leave! I won’t take it to heart or maybe I will who knows! 

I’m 31, I live on my own with my cat Jasmine, she’s adorable but she is a feisty one! She always wants my attention! she is currently sat on my lap biting my phone, an attention seeker at best.

I have 2 wonderful children they live with their dad and yes I’ve had to answer that question a million times ‘why don’t they live with you.’ I don’t have to answer that question it’s personal but people still look at me and go ‘oh, but why.’ And trust me they judge without knowing the reasons! It was the best option when me and my ex separated, I worked full time and their dad works around the kids school hours. I didn’t want to uproot them at such a difficult time for them already! I’m not going into this so much right now. But I’m sure it will come up later!

Ok so a list! It’s such an amazing diverse list! I do not believe that a name defines you! But trust me they have an entirely crippling grasp!

Bipolar Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder

Hypermobility Syndrome

Asthma

Dyspraxia 

Nice list right? There’s a few missing but right now it’s not important to mention. These are all symptoms that have been given names, so I have been told that is!

Ready to get bored and read more?

The mental health issues are interesting. I was diagnosed with Bipolar around 7 years ago, and I was struggling so much after I had my second son. We went through a really tough time when I was pregnant with him. It’s been a really perplexing time dealing with these symptoms.  Happiness, sadness, anger, elation, love, hate, stress, confidence, self loathing.. no middle ground always one or the other! It was really hard! When I was diagnosed I was put on a lovely cocktail of drugs.. anti psychotics, anti depressants and mood stabilisers! I didn’t know then how much these tablets would change me.. anyway Borderline Personality Disorder, I was diagnosed last year, now this made a lot of sense.. my emotions were flying around in such a quick succession! And the doctors realised something wasn’t quite clicking! It’s been a tough diagnosis and I’m sure you’ll all hear a lot more about that.. I’m physically disabled and this is one area I can’t control, other than with pain medicine. Hypermobility Syndrome is a literal bitch! Caused so many problems dislocation, it hurts to walk distances, makes my wrists and hands fail miserably! 

Well I’ve covered the basics.There is a lot more I’m going to talk about. I’m doing this not just for me but for anyone that struggles with life. Struggles with emotions. I hope to at least help one person realise that although life can be awful, life is also pretty amazing! It’s entirely in our control, well sometimes.

 Confusing right?

Stacey-Lea

Best friends kill the blues!

So last night I was feeling a little out of sorts..

My phone starts to ring, uh I thought it was someone in particular! I reluctantly looked at it. It was my best friend! He’s on his holiday in Lanzerote.

These holiday calls are always fun? So there he was in the pool at night, fully clothed beer in hand whilst afloat a dog called patch! He called just to make me smile! And that he did. 😀

😻

Let’s make a video

So I decided to make a really honest really quite raw video.. I think being truthful with yourself and others is super important.. our faces tell a million stories.. our emotions can be picked up so easily.

I aim to be able to help people. I’m training to become a life coach as you all know and I think if I am open and clear with people from the get go then it may be easier for people to trust in me. The sessions I will be doing are totally confidential and only myself and my client will have access to their file. At the end of the life coaching journey they will have a full copy of their file so that they can review their progress.

I’ve had therapy before; Psychiatrists Psychologists. Yes they are amazing and helpful. Something was missing and it was that personal touch. With life coaching it is all about giving the client the tools to establish their own path, I will be there to guide them in the right direction. My techniques will be unique and every session will open up the clients eyes!

Staceylea.com is my website address. So please share it! As well as viewing it on here!

Happy new year my beauties!

So hello 2020! It feels like such a surreal number! I’ll have a 10 year old this year that’s an odd feeling in its self.

I’m serious about the changes I’m making. And it’s not just because it’s a new year it’s because if I don’t, I’ll end up in a bad place!

2019 bought the worst heart ache I’ve ever felt. It literally ripped me up.. but it also made it so I could take those ripped up feelings and rebuild them with love and beauty!

I’m going to be the same person of course, but I’m going in a stronger and more stable direction.

I’m trusting a lot less too! It’s not a bad thing but I’m not going to get hurt again. I’m protecting my little heart now. I know my path and it’s going to be pretty awesome.. I’m bringing the people that have been there through the thick and thin!

My best friend has been my rock for 18 years now. I’ve made a new friend in my neighbour and me and my mom are a lot closer. So I love that and I have my own little flat which I love it’s perfect!

My health in 2019 was shocking so I’m going to really push myself to lose weight as I need surgery on my hands and elbows!

In happy I really am and maybe 2020 will bring that something more. 🥰

One.. two.. three

So this evening has been lovely but something really small has put me in a bad mood!

I’m not one to be petty but in all honesty I’ve been pretty nice on my blog so far, maybe it’s time I told it really how it is!

Staceylea.com will become my business as the months go by and I want to be able to help people who need a space to vent without judgement..

I met two young girls today and they were talking about applying for jobs and how they’ve been let down. They were applying for their first ever jobs! Everywhere wanted 6 months experience! I started working young then had my first supermarket job at 16 then after 12 months got into a high end department store! Then I worked up to management! It’s not easy! But the girls listened to how I worked my way up! And didn’t just expect it on a plate!

My life coaching will be fun to start, people have always been my strong area! Over years my physical and mental health have deteriorated. Which means I want to work from home going forward! Watch this space. 😌

Shine bright like a diamond

She sits, she wonders, she waits!

She can hear it all but nothing can hear her, she screams inside but the wreak of her broken heart wont allow anyone to listen. Escape just isn’t a possibility, she has wondered the broken halls, she has ran through open doors just to find herself back at the start. She only wants a simple existence.

A small shard of light appears, she claws at the sky with all of her might. The light glimmers like diamonds, tiny dancing fairy lights. Tiny droplets of tears begin to cascade down her cheek. She hasn’t felt air in her lungs for as long as she remembers. The shimmer starts to fade, she fights with all of her strength. The light almost fights back like it understands her pain, it flickers as bright as a star! Black, everything has turned dark again, lonely, painful and bleak. She sits, she wonders and she waits, the smallest of smiles begins to form. Hope beacons her.

Holiday hideaway.

I hate this feeling.

I’ve had a turbulent 12 months, I’m meant to be ok with the out come! And guess what I’m not! I’ve tried to be but it keeps me up at night! My separation was hard for me! I know things now that just make me want to hide away.

I dream a lot about it all and they feel so bloody real! I miss my kids more than any one could guess! I look forward to my weekends and holidays with them, we have fun, until they have to leave and that’s just not nice at all.

Christmas is coming up and I’m not at all ready or festive! It’s been ruined for me! I had to go to hospital last year on Christmas night! they found out it was my gull bladder, it was full of stones and very infected. I was put on super strong antibiotics for a week, then had it whipped out on New Year’s Day! While every one was having fun enjoying Christmas and new year together, I was twiddling my thumbs in a hospital bed!

This happening made me realise how amazing my family were!

When I came out it was just horrible. I was a mess, my marriage was a mess! But I just wanted to hold onto it the best I could. Usually we would have sorted stuff out. But not this time! I really was to blame for a lot of it… leading up to the end of last year. But for sure not all of it!

I want to be happy! Find Mr perfect, who wants to watch horror movies, cuddle up on the sofa. Go to the occasional gig, sit in a late night bar drinking gin! Go on a mini holidays discovering the world very slowly lol! I could list the main things but I’m keeping this blog very PG.

I’ve been super honest here. I have decided to not mention names in my blog. I may ruffle feathers but I won’t implicate any one! I will be more candid as the blogs go on! I’ve had my fair share of shit storms!

I’m Taking Back Sunday

My mother bear has been with me this weekend and it’s been really nice. Gonna cook us both a beef dinner soon! I love procrastinating on a Sunday, I have a. Lot on my mind today, kinda trying to figure a few things out! But it’s not easy when there are no answers in front of you!

It’s about finding ways of answering your own questions really! But in a way that you benefit! I find that I always end up changing and adapting for the person or situation I want the answer for, it is very often the case that it’s me that ends up losing out!

Im changing and evolving so taking back my life ooh I’m Taking Back Sunday. A lot of lyrics by that amazing band have helped me to arrange different parts of my life into a sort of order!!

Much love 💓