I hate this feeling.
I’ve had a turbulent 12 months, I’m meant to be ok with the out come! And guess what I’m not! I’ve tried to be but it keeps me up at night! My separation was hard for me! I know things now that just make me want to hide away.
I dream a lot about it all and they feel so bloody real! I miss my kids more than any one could guess! I look forward to my weekends and holidays with them, we have fun, until they have to leave and that’s just not nice at all.
Christmas is coming up and I’m not at all ready or festive! It’s been ruined for me! I had to go to hospital last year on Christmas night! they found out it was my gull bladder, it was full of stones and very infected. I was put on super strong antibiotics for a week, then had it whipped out on New Year’s Day! While every one was having fun enjoying Christmas and new year together, I was twiddling my thumbs in a hospital bed!
This happening made me realise how amazing my family were!
When I came out it was just horrible. I was a mess, my marriage was a mess! But I just wanted to hold onto it the best I could. Usually we would have sorted stuff out. But not this time! I really was to blame for a lot of it… leading up to the end of last year. But for sure not all of it!
I want to be happy! Find Mr perfect, who wants to watch horror movies, cuddle up on the sofa. Go to the occasional gig, sit in a late night bar drinking gin! Go on a mini holidays discovering the world very slowly lol! I could list the main things but I’m keeping this blog very PG.
I’ve been super honest here. I have decided to not mention names in my blog. I may ruffle feathers but I won’t implicate any one! I will be more candid as the blogs go on! I’ve had my fair share of shit storms!